It’s been a long while since I’ve given any sort of update on my wellness. I have to say that I finished my weight loss journey over 2 years ago now, and I had genuinely thought that it was a race I had completed. Won that one! Mark it down as a victory and move on.
However, I’m discovering that for many people, this is simply a road we travel all our lives. I’ve gained back almost 50 of the 100 pounds that I lost. I can’t help but thinking, “How did I get here again?”
As I look back, I think I can finally admit that I don’t know how to implement all the healthy living that I learned in the 20/20 Lifestyles program into my everyday life. I was unemployed while I did the program. I literally Biggest-Loser-ed myself! I focused solely on learning and exercise and eating well and my emotional health for almost 9 full months. Then I got a job right as I ended my program.
Every time I try to get my life back onto the track where my physical health is a priority, I feel like I need to take a week off from work to really make it happen. But the reality is that I will always have a job! I need to figure out how to make life work, while still prioritizing my wellness.
I am absolutely convinced that I am addicted to sugar. I have read and researched about food and addiction; tried and tested different methods of moderation. Some people (not all, but some of us) are truly and physically addicted to sugar.
After many failed attempts at moderation, I decided that abstinence was worth a try. I started going to Overeaters Anonymous meetings. I think the program is amazing, and it is working for many people. I attended the meetings and read The Big Book (which is worth a read for anyone who thinks they’re addicted to anything). It was hard for me to choose a sponsor, though, because I was having a hard time connecting to anyone at my meetings on a spiritual level. Your Higher Power is an integral part of the program, no arguing with it. However, I was finding it very hard to share my faith. Some people could barely stifle an eye roll when I talked about my relationship with God. Some people could not even force themselves to say the word “God,” but could only use the generic “Higher Power.” Some people had such a wide view of God that everything was God (but if everything is God, then how come food isn’t God?). Anyway, I called it quits because it was making me feel isolated, which is never helpful for any kind of recovery.
I’m starting a new program at my church tonight, and I’m hoping that it addresses some of these needs. I can tell you all about it tomorrow. But the main point is that I’m not hiding from the truth anymore, and I’m finally aware that what I’m doing isn’t working.
My name is Becky, and I’m a Compulsive Overeater.